when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
