i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize