Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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