so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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