I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
