ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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