All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
