I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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