um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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