He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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