This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
