Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
