Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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