My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
