oh god the rape fog is back!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
