What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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