Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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