I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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