the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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