Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
