So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
