i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The uberlube is also flammable
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
