I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
