Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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