I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
