Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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