If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
