Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
