Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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