This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
