Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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