It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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