Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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