Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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