I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
