how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize