your parents love me but you hate me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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