I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
