im gay
i know
yea but for you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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