it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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