HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
