Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He passed out mid-signature
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
