I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize