In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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