I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
