Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
