Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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