Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think i scared a bird with my dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
