Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
