Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
