the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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