well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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