i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
