Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
