My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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