that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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