Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
