just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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