On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
