Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
