apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
