dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
