Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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