All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
