What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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