she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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