id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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