I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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