A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
