$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
