Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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