I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
