Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
