just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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