lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
