You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i think i just lost a toe
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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