normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
