i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize