I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
