she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
