I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I just put wine in my tea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
